A New New York
When I left New York City in July of 2019, I believed my time as a New Yorker was over. I kissed goodbye to my fifth-floor walk-up, shoebox apartment, that I shared with my best friend in Midtown East. I left the skyscrapers and early morning subway commutes for the six lane highways and breezy lifestyle of San Diego, California.
A question I have received countless times in the last month has been,
“Why did you move back to New York City?”
As I sit here at 10 pm on a Monday evening, my answer is still unclear. What I do know, is that throughout the first quarter of 2019 I was exhausted and depleted. My work/life balance was nonexistent and I was running on empty. I know that my relationship was failing in New York and I had hoped that a new beginning in a new city, would set us back on the right track. I know that we make decisions sometimes for the benefit of the “relationship,” but lose sight of our own needs in the process.
In the end, I know I had to leave New York to realize how much I love this city. And also, how capable and deserving I am of being in this city alone. You see, my entire adult life I have been in relationships. Some might call them, projects. Oh how I love a good project! All wonderful humans whom I wish only love and happiness upon. Nevertheless, for me, the notion of the “red flag” was more of an exhilarating challenge than a warning to run fast in the opposite direction.
Towards the end of 2020, I was deeply perplexed at what direction my life would take next. I had left California when my entire business went remote and moved back to Hawaii to spend time with my family. Although my love for my home runs deep, I knew I couldn’t see myself living in Hawaii long term. And as winter began to roll around, I knew where I wanted to be — New York. A city, so deeply wounded and ravaged by Covid-19. A city I knew would come back stronger than ever before. A city that raised me from the ages of 17-25. And a place I knew would always welcome me with firm, but open arms — Enveloping me in diversity, opportunity, power, and resolve.
As I sit in my cozy sublet, that I’ve now occupied for two months, I’m in awe of this city. As former residents trickle back into the city, sidewalks become crowded with French bulldogs and young NYU students drinking Matcha Lattes roam the streets, there is so much hope in the air. It’s as if we’ve all come out of hibernation after an exceptionally long winter’s nap. As we all know, our world isn’t “in the clear” quite yet. We have a lot of work to do not only for our fellow countrymen, but for the other nations that make up our beautiful world.
As we edge into summer, I find myself enjoying New York in a newfound way. These days, I move at a much slower pace. I spend ample time exploring alone, creating my own experiences all over the city. I am slowly but surely easing out from under my rock and am welcoming the gift to learn about my fellow divine beings. Many days I sit in the park, fascinated, silently watching people go about their lives. I am finding there is so much beauty in this city if I am willing to receive it. To breathe all its goodness in, deeply, knowing how loved and worthy I am of abundance.
L